A miracle has just happened. It is 8:10pm and Jasper is asleep. If he stays asleep, I will get what I want every evening: a couple of hours to use how I choose. Working on my blog, emailing friends, catching up on DVR shows, trying the new lowfat strawberry shortcake with greek yogurt recipe in Runner’s World, the list goes on and on. I love spending time with Jasper. I get so excited every day when I get to walk over to the daycare to see him at lunch and I cannot wait to pick him up at night, but spending between 8pm and 11pm with him crying because he is overtired is not fun. Once he is finally asleep, I collapse into bed, and there went the whole evening. It would be nice to spend time with Mike again, where we are not switching off the baby who doesn’t sleep. Tonight, I just pray I am not jinxing myself and that he stay asleep! Jasper really is a good natured baby, he never cries, he smiles all the time, and he is easily entertained. Until about 8pm, and then he becomes overtired. I would love for it to stop and to reclaim a little time for me.
I have been missing maternity leave. Yes, it makes me feel bad to take Jasper to daycare everyday, but I also miss maternity leave for selfish reasons. It’s no vacation, but I miss just that little bit of time it gave me. I had lunches with friends, I walked Pancake everyday, my house was spotless, we always had a fresh batch of cookies. Now all that gets squeezed in a couple days on the weekends…if we don’t have other plans. I like my job and I am thankful I have it, but there I times I can’t help thinking how perfect working part time would be, but then childcare issues arise, there is no part time infant daycare, I would get a lot less money, etc,etc. The Buddhist way to look at my life would be to say the only perfect life is the one I have right here, right now. Maybe so…Jasper is curled up in my bed, Pancake is below in her dog bed and the only sound I hear is the water in my fish tank. Very relaxing….and nothing to complain about. When the going gets tough I try and remember that Jasper is only a baby once, and only for a year. The hard times will pass.
On a lighter note….please read my other blogs I have listed. Some are just so good! Sealegsgirl talks about my 2 current favorite topics: motherhood and womens‘ running. Great stuff. Alicia blogs a lot about motherhood and throws out topics to make you think. And, just for fun, the jello blog. Also, I have another new one, MamaSweat (thanks Margie!)..it is awesome.