Better-ish

Now that a whole week has past, I’m starting to feel better.   The beginning of the week was tough.  I ended up with a migraine that lasted several days, and a big work project where missing work would be a really bad idea, so the combo of not feeling good and some added stress did not help my mental state.  Another factor was when I am bummed out, I run, and I couldn’t.   I tried really hard to stick to my prescribed recovery and did minus one day.   I caved today and did an easy run.  I also just couldn’t decide if if should let this go, or jump back in and try again in a few weeks in Dallas.  After really weighing the pros and cons, I’m 90% sure I won’t run Dallas and just go for a good half marathon season then get in good shape for marathon pacing in Feb.  I really hate inconveniencing my family with a travel race unless it’s a special one, and as of right now, my heart isn’t in it.

It bothered me how bothered I was this week.   It’s just a stupid hobby.  I think it was just a big ego blow though, and post race depression is very real.  But I seem to be back to being able to sleep and feeling less edgy.   Starting up running again has helped.

The positive spin is the race season isn’t over.  It’s really just starting.  And, I decided to throw my name in the lottery for one of the big fall races next year.  I’ve always wanted to do a big one and always hold back citing money, time, family.  But, if I get in, I’ll have almost a whole year to plot it out.  It’s sorta a Boston consolation.  There’s a good chance I won’t make it through the lottery for a big fall race, but between them all maybe I’ll get one. And I’ll still apply for Boston for 2018.  Who knows, maybe popularity will start to wane and my time will get me in.   I can’t say I won’t be disappointed if I miss getting in by just a few seconds, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.  

I had to remind myself this week that even though being goal oriented can be a good thing, it can lead to a lot of disappointment and sometimes it’s better to just “be” and enjoy the process.   This isn’t always true in professional situations, but in a lot of life just “being” is ultimately more fulfilling.  Driven, focused people aren’t always the most fun to be around.  

And now I will focus on Netflix and not eating candy….

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Post race blues…

Highlight of the weekend was a visit from the tooth fairy.

The buildup for this race was near perfect.  Despite sometimes missing my times during peak heat, most of the workouts I nailed. I spent the last three weeks hitting race pace or faster over and over.  I played the race out in my head with positive but realistic results.  Whenever a friend asked if I was ready I always said “there’s no reason I shouldn’t hit 8:30 pace unless I have a freak illness or have a bad day”.  Well, guess what happened?  Near perfect weather, no illness, but a bad day.  There were tears at the end.  I just classically hit the wall.  At 18 miles, no matter how much I told my legs to move they just kept slowing.

Here’s the silver (ish) lining:

I did get a Boston qualifier.  But not by much.  By 1 minute 36 seconds.  In the last two years, that was not enough to get in.  I probably missed getting in by just a handful of seconds.

Without a doubt, I got faster.  I spent 5 months doing weekly speed sessions.   I aced a 5k and 10k.   I completely trusted my training,  and wouldn’t change a thing.  I am a speedwork convert and am looking forward to hitting the track again soon (as soon as I can walk downstairs without wincing in pain).

I’m writing this on night two of not being able to sleep because my emotions are just running wild, (plus night two of waking up starving).  Failure is tough to accept.

I’m still deciding what to do next but have decided not to make any decisions until my legs quit hurting.  Go for it again in a few weeks in Dallas?  Blow off trying to get into Boston (this is year 5 of this trying nonsense and year five of coming up short)? pick a new goal?  quit marathons? take up Quiddich?

No need for comments.   I appreciate all the people who tell me “you still did great!”  I know they mean it, and I know this is a super, super small, not a real problem kind of problem.  BUT, 5 months of hard work is a long time, and I reserve the right to be sad for a few days.

The Frankenthon is still a fantastic race that I think offers a really good shot at a fast time, and I thank them for that opportunity.  Just wish it had turned out differently.  😟

Fall!   Taper!

Well the cooler weather is finally here!   The days are still pretty warm, but comfortable.  Minus one really hot muggy  morning this week, most mornings were pretty comfortable.  Which means the last two weekends’ 21 mile runs were not misery.  

So yes, taper starts tomorrow.   It’s been a long journey and gone fast all at the same time.  Marathon training kick off was May 1!  This was my longest build up, but I think that was necessary.  Without a doubt I got faster.  Twice a week speedwork, did indeed work.  I spent longer mastering each distance so that by the time I got up to 20, I had plenty of endurance.  I have no doubt that if I stay healthy, don’t do anything stupid, and the weather is favorable, I can make my goal time in two weekends.  This Saturday was a test, 15 miles at a faster than comfort pace then 5 miles at race pace, and it went well.  I’m sure a lot of that was the fact it wasn’t 80 degrees at 5am.  I also started taking salt pills and I think it really leveled out my stomach and gels and water went down great.   I’m a little sore today, but coach said getting sore was fine.  I have almost two weeks to rebuild.  Like all runners, I hate tapering and I’m terrible at it.  But I’m going to do what he tells me, as I’ve  worked way to hard the last few months to screw it up.  I will have to remember all the mornings running on the track in the dark at a horrible hour or ricidulous intervals on the treadmill at an hour that is still considered night.  Bleh.  I love the training, but some mornings are just hard.

And in the rest of life,  the Fall slam continues.  Jaspy had ramped up to activities five times a week and we decided something had to give.  I ended up missing his activity twice in a week  because the traffic for me to get home was so insane, plus he has homework every night now, plus we were pretty much never eating real dinner.  So cub scouts got the ax.  He took it well.  He is currently so infatuated with gymnastics that he was willing to do anything to protect it.  I remained slammed with fall festival.  Once that is over,  I get a lull before Austin marathon.  Yes, despite lots of doubt I decided to pace again.  Because I need extra stress (ha!), but I really decided I’d be really sad if I gave up my spot on the team.  I’ve managed to fool them for this long that I know what I’m doing…

So that’s it until race day.  I hope it works….I plan to recount what I thought worked well and what didn’t.  Hopefully more works well!