Now that a whole week has past, I’m starting to feel better.   The beginning of the week was tough.  I ended up with a migraine that lasted several days, and a big work project where missing work would be a really bad idea, so the combo of not feeling good and some added stress did not help my mental state.  Another factor was when I am bummed out, I run, and I couldn’t.   I tried really hard to stick to my prescribed recovery and did minus one day.   I caved today and did an easy run.  I also just couldn’t decide if if should let this go, or jump back in and try again in a few weeks in Dallas.  After really weighing the pros and cons, I’m 90% sure I won’t run Dallas and just go for a good half marathon season then get in good shape for marathon pacing in Feb.  I really hate inconveniencing my family with a travel race unless it’s a special one, and as of right now, my heart isn’t in it.

It bothered me how bothered I was this week.   It’s just a stupid hobby.  I think it was just a big ego blow though, and post race depression is very real.  But I seem to be back to being able to sleep and feeling less edgy.   Starting up running again has helped.

The positive spin is the race season isn’t over.  It’s really just starting.  And, I decided to throw my name in the lottery for one of the big fall races next year.  I’ve always wanted to do a big one and always hold back citing money, time, family.  But, if I get in, I’ll have almost a whole year to plot it out.  It’s sorta a Boston consolation.  There’s a good chance I won’t make it through the lottery for a big fall race, but between them all maybe I’ll get one. And I’ll still apply for Boston for 2018.  Who knows, maybe popularity will start to wane and my time will get me in.   I can’t say I won’t be disappointed if I miss getting in by just a few seconds, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.  

I had to remind myself this week that even though being goal oriented can be a good thing, it can lead to a lot of disappointment and sometimes it’s better to just “be” and enjoy the process.   This isn’t always true in professional situations, but in a lot of life just “being” is ultimately more fulfilling.  Driven, focused people aren’t always the most fun to be around.  

And now I will focus on Netflix and not eating candy….

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